


Pearl's Lullaby

by Htaedfoeyegnitaolf



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I think depression is a part of it sure, I think that tag applies?, Insecurity, Introspection, Pearl thinks about things, Sick Fic, at least i hope it is, nods to previous episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 06:23:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7746568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Htaedfoeyegnitaolf/pseuds/Htaedfoeyegnitaolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if only Pearl knew what was wrong with her. If her body was truly harmed in some way, she could withdraw into her gem to regenerate. But this kind of pain that she felt now was not like an accidental sword to the chest. This pain didn’t seem to have a cause. Just yesterday, she had been perfectly normal. There was no logical reason for her to be like this.</p>
<p>Takes place in-between the episodes Chille Tid and Cry for Help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pearl's Lullaby

“I'm fine, Garnet, really! This is just a minor setback for me. It'll pass over before you know it. You know I don't usually get like this.”

“And that's exactly why you need to stay. We don't know what's wrong with you. The only thing we can do is wait.”

Pearl was laid down on the couch, helpless and weak. She tried sitting upright, but the effort was too great on her body. Every inch of her felt like it was on fire. She could barely manage to lift her head to watch Garnet and the others as they stepped onto the warp pad.

“Sorry, Pearl,” Amethyst sang. “If we find Malachite, I'll make sure to punch her in the face plenty of times in loving memory of you.”

“I'm not dead...” Pearl muttered.

“Stay here, and relax. We'll be back soon.” Garnet gave a small, reassuring wave. The warp pad began to glow underneath her, Amethyst's, and Steven's feet.

“Wait, Garnet!” Steven suddenly jumped off the warp pad, dashing over to Pearl. He looked over her, and placed his hand on top of hers.

Pearl caught the slight crease in his eyebrows. She disliked being the cause of worry for anyone, especially Steven. More than anything, she wanted to convince him that everything would be alright. It didn't matter whether it was actually true or not. From the way it caused her pain to do so much as move a muscle, it was looking pretty bad for her. Nonetheless, she had to do something to allay his doubts.

“I'll be fine, Steven. You go on without me.” Pearl managed a weak smile while she spoke.

“I've never heard of gems getting sick before...”

“I am not sick. I promise, I'll be back to normal in no time at all.”

“I still don't feel right leaving you all alone.” Steven's face scrunched up in thought for a second. Then, he gasped and his eyes lit up. “I have an idea!”

He ran out the front door. He wasn't gone for long, however, as he dragged the giant, pink lion into the house.

“Lion can watch over you!” Steven beamed.

“Wow, Pearl. You get a whole day to do nothing but chill out with Lion,” Amethyst giggled.

Pearl was willing to accept whatever made Steven feel secure about her well-being. With a tiny nod, she thanked him.

“Take good care of her, the best care you can possibly give,” Steven instructed Lion. The animal blinked once in reply.

Steven stepped onto the warp pad once more, turning to get one last look at the very weak gem on the couch. As the warp pad began to glow, he gave his final well-wishes. Then, in a flash of light, the crystal gems were gone.

All except for Pearl. She continued staring at the spot where the others had just stood. Minutes passed, and her worried concentration didn't break until a pink mass obstructed her view.

Lion was watching her. At least, Pearl figured he was. He might have been staring blankly at an arbitrary point in her general direction for all she knew.

Everything about the creature was a mystery to Pearl. His connections to Rose Quartz were undeniable. Unfortunately, that fact served to raise even more questions than it answered.

Perhaps the most important question of all: what is this thing's purpose? What could be so direly consequential that Rose needed a lion? It still stung to think that Rose kept this information a secret. Pearl would give anything to talk to her again, ask her why she had to hide her intentions. Didn't Rose trust her? She always thought their bond was strong enough to eliminate the need for secrecy. Pearl never felt required to hide her thoughts and feelings from Rose. She just assumed that Rose felt the same way.

All this contemplating really wasn't helping Pearl's situation. There was so little that she knew. The only thing she was absolutely sure of was that she hated this. She hated the consistent ache at the back of her eyes that seemed to fester inside her head. She hated being confined to the couch, feeling her body scream at her if she tried to shift to a more comfortable position. She hated the exhaustion, the nagging desire to simply turn off the world around her so she wouldn't have to think about it. Most of all, she hated being useless. Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven were out there, risking their lives fighting to protect Earth, while Pearl was doing nothing but “chilling out with Lion,” as Amethyst had put it. She should be at their side, pulling her fair share of the load.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if only Pearl knew what was wrong with her. If her body was truly harmed in some way, she could withdraw into her gem to regenerate. But this kind of pain that she felt now was not like an accidental sword to the chest. This pain didn’t seem to have a cause. Just yesterday, she had been perfectly normal. There was no logical reason for her to be like this.

She can only remember one time when she felt this helpless. She was riding behind Steven on Lion, Rose's flag waving behind her. Steven had been so kind, so patient with her, even after all she had put him through that night.

She'll never forget the fear in his eyes as he dropped out of sight. By all forces of reason and logic she should have helped him, yet there was something that kept her from doing so. Pearl dreaded to think of exactly what she was feeling in that moment: weakness, paralysis, selfishness. It was a miracle she even managed to snap out of her daze, creep up to the edge of the floating island, and see Steven hanging onto the roots below.

She never wants to come that close to losing him again.

It was all her fault. If she hadn't been so foolish as to let herself get over-emotional in front of Steven, he wouldn't have to go through the trouble of consoling her. She already knew that Garnet and Amethyst hated her bouts of grief. It was a burden to them; it was another problem to add to the list. Pearl had promised them time and time again that it was only temporary, that she wouldn't break down anymore. But even when she thought she had her feelings under control, the cycle always managed to repeat itself.

She remembered Steven and his friend, Connie. The way she let herself lose control and suddenly explode in front of them during their sword lesson was completely inappropriate of her. Connie had been understanding, and Pearl was thankful for that, but now she has one more person to make false promises to.

Why was it so hard? Pearl wished she didn't have to be this way. Being so useless and weak, she didn't deserve to be at their side, to be called a “Crystal Gem.” Rose would be so ashamed of her...

Lion suddenly nudged Pearl's arm with his nose. If he wasn't so big he would have crawled underneath her arm to rest on her lap. He settled for nestling closer to her instead. Pearl didn't object. The careful touch, the gentle warmth, the massive pink mane--it all felt very familiar.

Pearl wondered if the gesture was a result of Steven's instructions, or a result of Lion's own feelings towards her. After all, if this was Rose's lion, surely he would care about his owner's dearest comrades the same way he cared for his owner's son, wouldn't he?

“Who are you?”

The two of them remained in their state of closeness, waiting for the others to return.

**Author's Note:**

> I began writing this right after Rose's Scabbard aired. I originally intended for this to go in a different direction, but soon after more new episodes of SU aired, mainly Sworn to the Sword and Chille Tid, I began to have new ideas. I miiiiight write a chapter two for this. I already started on it, but I'm super bad at finishing things, so don't count on it. I think this chapter works great as a standalone fic though. I hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> Also, huge thanks to my best friend for beta reading and providing feedback!


End file.
